Bully

I have been bullied.
There is some one in my life who torments me almost constantly; the harsh hurtful words of this person ring in my ears endlessly. When ever I express any amount of weakness or struggle I find myself the recipient of hate; a hate so violent and intrusive that I have learned to grow around it. This hate, and the words it spreads, have become such a normal part of my life that they have grown roots into my core. I believe it, the things this bully tells me. I am too sensitive, I am weak, I am a cry baby, I am ugly and un-loveable, I don't deserve help, I made myself this way, I'm fat, nothing looks good on me, I am helpless, I can't do anything right, my kids deserve better than me, I bring everyone down...this is just the beginning of the list of things I hear. The hardest part is I can't seem to find a way out. The tormenting never stops. I can't even try to talk about this issue without fear of what I'll hear.

I am sure that if you are reading this you are getting concerned for my wellbeing; some days I too fear for myself. The problem is, I can't escape this bully because the bully is me. I am my worst tormenter, I have myself captive and no matter how hard I fight it I can't seem to get away,
because everywhere I go . . . there I am.